the phrase “saving myself for my husband” makes me want to vomit every time I see it

(Source: matt-molloy, via acidicmoons)

"

1. Girls Shalt Not Have Sex.
(someone asked me what the guy word for ‘slut’ is
and I couldn’t find an answer.
it’s an old story: a rumour goes around that so-and-so
blew a boy in the disabled toilets.
the girl fakes a cough to get herself sent home
to escape the classroom-wide hiss of ‘slut’
while the boy she blew walks into the same class
and is greeted by an onslaught of high-fives)

2. Girls Shalt Love Boys.
(when I was ten, there was a movie trailer where two girls
leaned in for a kiss, and I felt sick for the rest of the day.
it took four years
along with faux-casual questions to friends
useless quizzes on the internet
entries in a diary that I later scribbled out
to admit, fine, okay, yes,
and another year after that to say it without mumbling)

3. Girls Shalt Not Be Bitches.
(it took over ten years of school for me to realize
my women teachers got called bitches
for doing things that my male teachers got called efficient for.
we were assigned to a group project in science class
and whenever my friend tried to tell the others to quiet down
so they could get on with the work,
she was jeered into silence
and she never found it fair that her boyfriend did
the same thing and the noise stopped.)

4. Girls Shalt Have A Vagina.
(she introduced herself with a deep voice and a gushing smile.
she had a pink dress and an adam’s apple
she had a necklace resting above her cleavage
she had escaped from an all-boys high school
and I didn’t understand until I learned later
gender is more than the two rigid boxes
that we are told to tick one of)

5. Girls Shalt Smile.
(he frowned when the subject was brought up
and he shrugged a lot as he explained
that we look better when we smile. Less hostile.
His shrugs stiffened when I asked him why we shouldn’t look hostile.
‘I dunno,’ he said, dropping to a mumble. ‘Girls aren’t s’posed to look hostile, I guess.’
The next time someone walked past me on the street
and told me to smile,
I gave him my sunniest grin
and a middle finger.)

"

‘Five Commandments for Being A Girl I Unlearned,’ theappleppielifestyle.  (via harukimuracallme)

(Source: theappleppielifestyle, via thatsaxophonegirl)

armpitfebreeze:

xbox420:

jerry accidentally walked into someone elses interview so he backtracked and pulled out his phone and just scrolled through it in the middle of the red carpet

dammit jerry

(via foxesandawolfe)

Timestamp: 1406127972

armpitfebreeze:

xbox420:

jerry accidentally walked into someone elses interview so he backtracked and pulled out his phone and just scrolled through it in the middle of the red carpet

dammit jerry

(via foxesandawolfe)

(Source: detailsdetales, via unhappily)

pussylipgloss:

sweatpants dick is a wholesome source of energy looking at sweatpants dick can give you the protein you need for the whole day 

(via sarcastic-snowflake)

stay-ocean-minded:

 

the deeper you go the bluer the water gets

(via eclecticpandas)

Timestamp: 1406127560

stay-ocean-minded:

 

the deeper you go the bluer the water gets

(via eclecticpandas)

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

veruca-assault:

ms-kawesome:

The next time a man starts yelling at you, cut him off and tell him you just can’t talk to him when he’s being so emotional.

I have done this and can confirm that is a LOT of fun to watch them implode afterward.

omfg

(via fr3aks-andgeeks)

1nd2rd3st:

gonna get laid

(via limits-are-infinite)

(Source: crydaisy, via acidicmoons)

endocrines2:

*drinks vodka* *gags* “ugh I hate vodka” *drinks vodka*

(Source: endocrines2014, via limits-are-infinite)